IT'S TIME TO REDEFINE PERFECTIONISM
Have you taken my “What’s Your Perfectionism Type?” quiz yet? You might want to do it before reading this post. It’s related, trust me!
You may not *like* the perfectionism troll that’s made a cosy nest for themselves in your amygdala (the home of fight or flight) but I’m not here to shame either of you and you shouldn’t be either. Because the problem isn’t that they ~exist. They want to keep you safe! It’s what they do. The problem is just that their mental influence is likely WAY over inflated. And you might not even be aware of it.
Story time: I’ve never thought of myself as a “perfectionist”. I’ve never been a Type A, hyper-organised person. I’ve never wanted perfect grades or a perfect house or wardrobe or life. “I’m not that guy!” I would have said, if questioned on it. “I’m a creative. I’m messy. I’m a rebel!” And yet...
And yet I would continually work long hours (without overtime) to prove myself.
And yet I believe that at any moment I would “ruin everything” and end up in the gutter.
And yet I would push people, projects, and would-be playful moments away to avoid failure.
And yet I would “mask” my differences (classic neurodivergence) in an effort to fit in. Even though it exhausted me mentally, physically, and emotionally.
Because here’s the thing: the mainstream understanding of perfectionism is all wrong. We’re told perfectionism means being anal retentive and behaving like a Stepford wife. Whereas I’ve found—in my own life and in my work with creative clients, again and again—that perfectionism is simply setting your standards for yourself so high that you’ll never be able to meet them.
Perfectionism will make you feel like an inadequate piece of shit, no matter what you do or don’t do. You’ll never be enough.
And listen: perfection is highly subjective anyway. We all carry our own unique versions, passed down by parents, culture, peers, institutions, and the messages we receive from white supremacist capitalist patriarchy. Which means even your concept of “perfect” isn’t perfect! It’s a construct weaved together (lovingly albeit misguidedly) by your head troll.
But while our concept of perfect is highly individual, its underlying cause—and the way it shows up—is universal.
“If I can’t do it perfectly, I won’t even try.”
Sound familiar? That’s perfectionism’s unofficial slogan. And it’s one of FEAR. Fear over everything, big and small; failure, success, landing somewhere in the middle—you name it, most of us intuitive creatives are fearful of it.
And guess where all that fear leads you? Nowhere. Like, literally. Instead of telling your story, making your stuff, and changing the world for the better, you procrastinate. You give up easily. You enrol in yet another course. You keep your side hustle firming on the side. You doomscroll instead of going outside. You agonise over small details. You compare and despair. You use “should” statements. You avoid trying new things. You prefer doing “to-do lists” than doing the to-dos. You fantasise about catastrophic outcomes. You think in black and white only. And when you DO sit down at your desk to create, you draw blanks. The pressure of perfect is overwhelming.
*sigh* I consider perfectionism to be symptomatic of all the other “isms” we’re up against as women and NB creatives, visionaries, and change-makers. Meaning it carries that weight of sexism. It holds the torch of racism. Of ableism. Of consumerism and productivity culture at its worst. THAT is what we’re up against.
Our fears are overwhelming, yes. Our ego is convinced it’s allergic to any real or imagined version of failure or mistakes, yes. But realising these fears aren’t even our own—that they’ve been put there by forces with a vested interest in sapping our power, our presence, and our play—that’s the liberating and glorious first step to forming a whole new relationship with your perfectionism troll.
P.S. This article is an excerpt taken from my new FREE workbook, F*CK PERFECT: A CREATIVE UNLEARNING WORKBOOK. Grab your copy by signing up to my mailing list now. <3
Photo by Joe Brennan
Hi, I’m Jerico
I’m a best-selling author, award-winning creativity coach and consultant, and tarot reader. My mission? To help you liberate your joy through intuitive creative expression.
